Friday, November 30, 2012

hold me

camo long johns from target and all saints black top and boots gap socks

as the sun was coming up i walked into his shared room with his brother, the morning sun was beaming on their tangled little bodies. i hesitated waking him so suddenly but we were already running late. so i hurried in and quietly shook him awake, hoping to keep his brother asleep. his sweaty head lifted and his crooked smile locked in on me for a quick second and then he nestled into his pillow and tried to reside into sleep again. i pulled on his little body and told him we had to hurry if we didn't want to be late for school. his eyes popped open suddenly and he looked frantic, oh how he hates to be late. he hopped up and ran to brush his teeth as i finished getting his clothes out and ready to go. he came back in the room calmly, and i snapped "buddy! hurry up! we are late!" he just stood in the door with his bambi eyes and said "mama, will you please just hold me?" and in an instant my entire body shifted and relaxed "hold me?" the words rang over and over in my head. when was the last time i actually held him? held him like a little boy and not just a hug or a kiss??  how could i forgot how important these moments are? how could i not take this chance while i had it? i, of course, did what any mother would do and i picked him up and held him so tight and soaked him in. i kissed his still sweaty head and said "thank you for reminding me how much i love being your mama." it was a moment where nothing else was spoken and we just held onto each other it was as if we had just shared a secret. finally, it was time to really start getting to school and it was calm and peaceful despite our rush. we both smiled at each other and we decided on stopping for donuts to help save time on breakfast. i can't remember how late we were - it was barely minutes, but it didn't even matter. those minutes don't mean anything. but holding onto rowan {like he was itty bitty again} for just that moment meant everything to me. and i would make him late a million times over to have that moment once again! i keep reminding myself these little moments won't ever end, and i know that is partially true, but with him getting older things between us are changing. i won't always be able to hold my baby boy, but i will always remember to take the time and hold onto our little unspoken secrets.


analaila said...

this is so beautiful, it kind of makes me wish my boy could stay a baby forever..

Hannah said...

So sweet. I love his boots.