Monday, March 18, 2013

a promise to mommy




i will never forget the heaping piles of pillows and blankets when i walked in the room. you were tucked back behind them and all i saw was a tiny, little fist. those little dimpled, knuckles were clenched tight around a tiny lego truck that they encompassed. i just sat in the hall and quietly watched, hoping you wouldn't see me. your chubby, cheeked face peeked out at me. your smile is always contagious, but this time there was something more to it. it was so sweet and pure. the glowing sun hit your face and it struck me, you were growing up. your legs were longer and your body just a little leaner. it was happening, you were starting to change. not just your body but, your personality too. i didn't realize it but i was making you grow up too fast. it has been a hard change for us both since wrennyn came along. you have had to learn so much on your own these past 6 weeks. and that moment your sweet baby face looked at me i realized, i don't want you to do it on your own yet. i want you to need me. i am not ready to let go of you being my baby. can't i have 2 babies? for just a little while longer, will you still be my baby? that little boy who used to curl up on my lap and wrap his body around my pregnant belly and fall asleep that way. can't you stay that way just for me? "i need you to stay little, brinley," i said and you looked at me so innocent and tender and said "ok mommy, i will, i will be little." i held you so tight and subtle tears crept down my cheeks, and with that cheerful spirit of yours you made me laugh. we giggled and i pulled you back on my lap and i kissed you a million times. when i finally let you go i just sat on the floor and watched you drive your car on the walls and bed posts with the sun beaming off you and your little legs moving fast and about. and i knew you that you were showing me, that you were promising to stay little for just a while longer.




4 comments:

Unknown said...
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Kimmy said...

Oh I love that little boy! He is growing up so fast, it's crazy! Love hearing your heart about being a Momma, such a precious thing and I agree with you on wanting them to stay little forever!

Lexie said...

He's so, so cute !

I'm just in love with your beautiful family

ruffledsnob said...

Lexie, wow you're so sweet thank you so much!! x