Thursday, July 18, 2013

tied up in knots

Knots in my stomach.
Tomorrow we will be leaving Wrennyn for the first time over night. Not only overnight... but for 10 days. I am just in knots over the whole thing! We have a very exciting adventure we are embarking on, we will be traveling out of the country and we decided it was best to leave him behind (by we decided it was best... I mean he actually didn't meet the age requirements.) It absolutely broke my heart, but in reality it will be best for Wrennyn AND for the older boys to do it this way. We will be in warm climates and I was nervous about how hot it will be out in the sun and how to keep him comfortable and hydrated... so it really is just better that he is safe at home getting loved on by my amazing family who stepped up and said the would watch him! Plus, we will be able to get to be more involved in the activities the older boys are doing and maybe even fit more in without having a tiny babe to care for.

My biggest fear in leaving Wrennyn is that he won't want to nurse when I get home. You guys, I am just hurting even thinking about it! 10 days on a bottle and I think it will be harder on me than him. I will miss our intimate time together and our quiet little moments where I get to just absorb all that he is for a few minutes. This isn't the end of our nursing journey - just pray with me that he does ok while I am away! And that he wants to nurse when I return! I can't even stand the thought of not being able to have that special time together again. Pleas share if you have gone through this! I would love to hear encouraging words about you guys being away from your breast-fed babies! I did have a client give me some great advice about how to help Wrennyn and myself adjust and transition back to nursing when I get home, and I can't wait to share the tricks and tips that worked for us (once I find out what they are!) It doesn't feel quite the same leaving him behind, we will all miss our smiley little boy - but we know it is safest for him to not join our travel quite yet.

But on the fun side of things!
We are going to take the boys to the ocean! Neither Rowan or Brinley have seen the ocean in all of it's glory, so we can't wait to bring them. Both boys took a flight when they were under the age of 2, but not since so all of this will be an exciting journey! We are bursting at the seams to share a little bit more - but we can't quite tell you the entire story, so you will have to stay tuned! Only 1 more day to go and I will be able to spill my guts! :) While we are away I won't really be posting on our blog, but you can follow us on instagram here for tiny snippets of our surprise! We can't wait to get on our way!

Please say a little prayer for me - I am having a hard time knowing that I will be leaving a big part of my heart behind on this trip. I have never felt so torn about my emotions like I am right now. I want to be excited, but can't deny this anxiety I am having knowing sweet little Wrennyn won't be in my constant care. It will be a beautiful moment when I get to scoop him back up in my arms upon our return!

wrennyn's pants c/o little vida nyc
brinley's shirt c/o noe and zoe


Unknown said...

Will definitely keep you both in my prayers. I have a little guy who is exclusively breast-fed too, and as soon as I read about your leaving I got the same knots in my stomach! I totally understand!

I'm sure you guys will be fine when you get back, though. He'll probably be happy to get back to those special nursing times too. :D

Erik and Christine said...

So I am new to your blog and found it through Casey Leigh, but I also live in Minneapolis and have enjoyed reading.
I have 4 kids and nursed them all and I am sure this is so hard to leave him behind!
With my second little guy he was in the special care nursery and had a lot of issues when he was born and I pumped for four months with only nursing him once at night and after four months we went to exclusively nursing and he transitioned just hopefully that will be the case. I don't remember how old he is, but I would think he is still young enough to make that transition when you get home. It might be a little rocky, but he may just be so glad to have you home that it will be no big deal!
Hoping for the best and praying for it to be easy for you both!

Unknown said...

When my princess was 5 months old, I had to leave her to attend a military school for 4 weeks. I thought I was literally going to die. I hurt so badly, thought the worse of myself and couldn't believe I was leaving. However, the school was a great learning experience for me, I met great people and had a little fun. It ended up being a great experience. When I returned, it was the happiest home coming ever. You will do great. You have the opportunity to spoil your eldest children with the best quality time ever. And your little babe will be spoiled to pieces by your family. It might be hard to get that connection back with breastfeeding afterwards but I know for a fact you'll both get through it! So, go have fun girl!

Tasha Early | Glitter+Wit said...

I couldn't do it! My daughter is 1 1/2 and I still haven't spent a night away from her. I would be so stressed out!