Sunday, February 2, 2014

that time i blocked my sister on instagram over nothing....

I don't think I am a very dramatic human being. On a regular day I am somewhat of a loner and don't need a lot of attention. I am often involved in my own happenings so I don't try to leech on to other people and I certainly am not one who is easily offended (mostly because of my "what you think of me doesn't matter" attitude). So, when I came home and told my husband I picked a fight with my sister. On her birthday. At a family funeral. And then blocked her on Instagram. He was a bit shocked. It gets worse. Yes I know, worse. When I told him what we were fighting about he laughed. Yes, it really was that pathetic. I am not even going to share am what our argument was about because it is irrelevant. And I also won't tell you she started it. Jk jk jk.

What I will tell you is this, most of the time we pick fights out of pride. We don't want to be hurt so we use this as a defense mechanism. We are more apt to fight with someone who has nothing to do with what is really bothering us deep down. Yep, think about your last two arguments with someone and what they were about, like really about - most of the time we explode on someone when it is a stress reliever for another area of our life that we are trying to avoid. At least that is the case for me... I am so busy covering up another area of my life that I unleash on the next innocent target. Once I step back and think about things it all seems so irrelevant and pointless! (Which is why I am really good about apologizing and moving on... And yes, some times that means unblocking your sister from Instagram and beg for her to re-follow you.) Pride can make us prolong even the stupidest of apologies, but it isn't until we are willing to open ourselves up and ask for forgiveness that we can finally take control of what is really hindering us and face it head on. Some times we don't always know there is something else weighing on our shoulders until we pick a useless fight. It took me opening up to Andy about my argument with my sister to realize that another area of my life that I was struggling with was really the source of my anger. Thankfully sisters forgive and move on. Some times they even have really good ways of helping you cope with what you're avoiding. Some times they even have their own battles they are secretly fighting. But in the end what is really worth fighting over? Nothing. And your pride is the only thing that would tell you differently. 

Some times we hold onto things for way too long. We let them overtake our thoughts and actions. It is those times that I realize how much I need God to guide me, and instead of looking out for myself I need to be more aware of those who surround me. I am learning to let go. It is a slow (and painful) process - but I am ready to let go and to lean on Him and let my troubled heart open up and start to heal.

I know these photos don't go with my post, but the post felt empty without something else there :)
Rowan wears
sweater from Shan and Toad // pants from Little z kids // shoes by MAA 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Pride definitely kills relationships and the gospel is hard to live out when we allow it to take hold instead of showing grace. It is hard. I completely understand.