This year has been a growing challenge as a mother. There have been many moments where I have sat wondering where the time went, and then there are moments when I worry that these fleeting moments will be times that escape my memory.
I want to remember Rowan the way he is at this very moment. With his gaps in his mouth, his new-found ability to play on his own confidently, the way he can focus for hours on a single project, the way he begs for everyone to be included.
He is often way too serious for his age, as a mother you aren't always sure how your kids got their personality traits - but it isn't your job to tweak them to your liking, it is your job to embrace them as they are and help them be the best version of themselves. I have always wondered what it would take to get Rowan to lighten up, but now I see what a beautiful gift he is, how he thinks deeply about life. He wishes that everyone could be happy. He hopes that he will one day be an artist. He dreams of traveling to cities and seeing the lives of the people there. He is my special little gift. My serious boy who hopes for the world. A boy who doesn't see pain, but just beauty in a different way. My Rowan is such a deep heart. He holds fast to the things we tell him - he is teachable and moldable. He is soft and warm. He is deeper than most children his age and yet he is full of wonder.
I haven't a clue what kind of boy he will grow up to be, but here in this moment I am grasping to the wonderful things he is teaching me. I hope my views don't affect him too much, because he is far more beautiful the way he is than I could ever teach him to be.