Wednesday, May 14, 2014

diary | may14

I mentioned before I was featured in the film American Blogger alongside some pretty amazing girls around the country. I hear from people who watched the film, that it charged them with the idea that they could find their own little space on the internet to do or say whatever they wanted, it got them excited to share themselves and their opinions. For me the movie had the opposite affect. It left me feeling completely inadequate. As I listened to the stories of the other women who were represented I saw that they all had a really unique platform of some sort. Some had unexpected twists in their road of motherhood, some lived unique lifestyles {such as vegan, homeschooling, or simplified living}, others had platforms like fashion or cooking where they had very specific topics and had beautiful photo stories to tell about their topic. Then there is me. I don't really have a platform. I don't have a unique lifestyle or amazing photographs to tell my life through. I am really just the everyday girl who you see in the grocery store. One who has never been through tragic loss, or immaculate triumph. The girl who isn't struggling through the day, but one who isn't living a life of luxury either. I am just the friend you sit with at coffee, catch up with and share a good laugh with. Amongst all those unique stories each woman had to share there was one particular sentence in the movie that really stood out to me (sorry I am not sure which blogger said it) but she said this "I think the human experience, in general, is interesting to people." That is the moment that has stuck with me and is what really made me realize I love blogging. I have been fighting against this blog for a while trying to find myself and express myself through it, but I started to get scared of not living up to the quality of other bloggers around me. I now realize that I don't really need to be like them. Now, I know that I really just want this to be more of a diary. More of a place where I write things I am facing each day and struggles I go through within myself. Just the normal life experience that may resonate with someone else. I don't declare that it will be impressive in any way, but I don't think I mind being unimpressive, I truly care about looking back at this space and being able to remember the stages we go through as a family and for myself as I grow into motherhood at each stage. I am quite excited to move forward with this thinking. I really believe we relate to one another for different reasons and I hope that we can find something good within each other. I have said it many times, but I am not trying to have fans - I am more wanting to make friends - the kind you sit and have a laugh with over coffee, the everyday girl!

I encourage you to share your story, not because it is important to share it, but because you may make a friend or two and perhaps, you will learn a little bit about yourself along the way. So, I am going to try harder to share about things that really deeply matter to me. My own little journal of sorts.

So here it goes...

Diary entry 1:

I hate mornings. No matter how many hours of sleep I get it never feels like enough. This morning as I hit my snooze button and drifted back off into sleep I heard a dull chuckle. It wasn't really enough to wake me, but after hitting the snooze button again I woke up and saw Rowan reading his newest chapter book "Captain Underpants" for the 2nd time. He was on our floor and giggling over the silly stories to himself. I slowly woke up and he crawled into our bed next to Wrennyn who was still asleep next to me. I quietly asked him how long he had been awake and Rowan softly replied "Long enough to read 4 chapters..." My head drooped and I thought about him sitting on my floor by himself wanting to be close to me, yet not wanting to wake me. Rowan is the most thoughtful little human being I have ever met. It also made me think, I must be a pretty crappy mom if he was so concerned about waking me that he stayed on the floor. It really made me want to be more of a morning person so we could have that 20 minutes to ourselves before his brothers woke up, bonding over the silly happenings of "Captain Underpants" together. So, my new goal is to work on being a little more chipper in the mornings, and probably not hit the snooze button so often. This life is good and I don't want to miss it! There are always special little moments tucked into the most regular daily scenes in my life, and I want to try harder be part of each of them!


Oh, and here is Rowan and Brinley in their amazing pj's from our pal G.Nancy! They are so cute on the boys and make them extra cuddly!


Richellexo said...

I needed to read this tonite. You hit the nail on the head for me...thank you. I knew you were my favorite blogger. I fully relate to your feelings of inadequacy amongst "other bloggers" I am by no means on the level you are, but I too feel like I don't have anything "special" to make me stand out. After reading your words, I felt at peace with just being me...sharing what I aNt to share...and further more, you've inspired me to be more candid and open with things. Thanks for that too.
{Insert cyber hug here..}..
Thank you for this post.

primjillie said...

I love your blog, so I hope you continue. Sometimes its refreshing to read about "real life" and not someone trying to sell something all the time. (same with Instagram lately) And your boys are too adorable!

East Willow Grove said...

I seriously can't get over how big Brinley is!!!He was so small and almost still a little babe when Wrennyn was born and now hes so grown up! My boys are 3 1/2 and 9 months and I swear I see pictures of your boys and look at mine and think where the hell did the time go! Great post, I just watched the film yesterday and it was great but I def can see how you're feeling that as so many bloggers have a niche. Life and the "daily" happenings you post are what makes me coming back for more :)

Anonymous said...

Love this! And...I think the really great thing about bloggers/other sources of social media is that as long as you don't take it as a "competition" it does make you up your game a little. Weather that's getting out of your sweats, making a meal you didn't think you could make, or getting that ever so needed dose of reality that makes you want to spend more quality time with your kids...and then blog about it so you can share it with them later ;) Because what a treat it would be to read things our parents had to say about us, no??!

Thanks for posting this!